May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
