somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need moral support for this bender
Boobs are out for the taking
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
