She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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