so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
