my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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