If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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