it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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