it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
