her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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