god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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