Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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