is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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