A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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