Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
