Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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