i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
