i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
