"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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