why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
