worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
