i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
