i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
