So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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