Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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