she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
