i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
