I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
