Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
