he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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