I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
