The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
