Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
