i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
