Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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