I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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