He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
