I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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