Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
