I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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