So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
