Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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