I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
