last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
