I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
