have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
