You're my little dorito
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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