The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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