stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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