Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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