When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
