we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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